Short answer: online ‘dating’ a.k.a Tinder.
I have to admit, I’ve had my fair share of tinder dates, the majority of which I never go back for a second date. Tinder is a strange thing (I am not quite sure what to label it; it is a place, a platform, an internet club?). Many of us are guilty of it (I don’t mean to say that having a tinder profile is something to be ashamed of but there is no denying that it comes with a certain discomfort; imagine having to tell your parents that you met your partner on tinder). There is a taboo to it. I don’t think it is necessarily because of the app itself but because it takes this concept of ‘dating’ (ultimately resulting in love and commitment) and turns it into something you can swipe, match or un-match without even having to bat your eyes. Bottom line is, tinder is quick and easy. And as the saying goes: easy come, easy go.
About a month ago, I saw a video on Facebook by a motivational speaker who was talking about the impatience of our generation. We can get almost anything online these days. We don’t even have to leave our beds. There is an app for almost everything and anything, even a person to call a ‘date’. We want a date, we swipe on tinder. Then the speaker brought up at point that hit me hard. Most of us (I hope) desire love and commitment, but there is no app for that. You cannot demand love and commitment, right here and right now. The only thing that brings those two things about is time.
Which brings me back to the point that tinder is easy. It is quick and easy to get a date (especially if you are a girl). Tinder requires no commitment (it doesn’t even post to your Facebook page). A rejection on there is not really a rejection. You can say whatever you want and there are no consequences. The perfect place and combination for f*ck-boys to roam.
Of course tinder is not all bad. Nothing is ever good or bad. And yes, a person you meet on tinder is no less of a person just because you’ve met them on tinder (even though some people tend to forget that). I have had quite memorable times and meaningful conversations with guys I’ve met on there. Something quite serious even at one point. But how can anyone take tinder seriously? You can take it seriously but when you’re crying over your tinder-guy and friends are consoling you, they’ll still have it in the back of their minds: ‘what did you expect, it’s tinder?’ So if you’re looking for a meaningful and fulfilling relationship that will last a lifetime, I recommend that you delete that devilish app once and for all.
I know that is much to ask. A girl once said, tinder is like crack. Who doesn’t like having numbers (matches) to add to their self-esteem. We all like to be liked. Until we like, genuinely like someone and they break our heart. We swear off online dating, delete the app(s), mope around the house for a while and become okay again. Yet we never learn. A few months (or even weeks down the line) that red flame is back on our screens. When I say get rid of it, I really mean, get. rid. of. it. Enough is enough. Don’t learn the hard way (or maybe you have to) to realise that you’re more likely to find the love of your life walking down the road then swiping all night on tinder.
I don’t think there’s a definite definition for a f*ck-boy. A f*ck-boy will be defined differently to everyone depending on their experiences. But I dare say, a f*ck-boy doesn’t do just that, worse is, he f*cks with your feelings and that’s not okay. And they’re called ‘boy’ for a reason, because often they are not man enough to owe up to their actions. He will not give you a reason to why he decided to ghost you the day after he’d asked you how many dogs you wanted the night before. If he were a man, he’d be off tinder and finding you in real life. Tinder is not real life. It is a game (harsh as it is). Perhaps not to you but (9/10 times) to him. Stop playing the game. Stop looking for love because love isn’t a match. It isn’t an algorithm of some app on your smartphone, calculated by how far they live from you. Go out and see the world, the love of your life may be further than 10miles.
And if you’re still sad about that f*ck-boy, I’d say: f*ck him (and no, not literally).